Friday, February 21, 2014

From the Mother of One

Short back story: I talk about my son. How wonderful he is. Our little moments of awesome. How crazy he is. How crazy he drives me. The ways I torture, I mean discipline him from time to time.
Sometimes a response sends me over the cliff. Like responding with "try having ten". I see this on a lot of posts. A mom of two complains and you over zealot uterus's respond with "try having a dozen in diapers". I hear it fairly often being a mother of one. Usually I ignore it. I roll my eyes. I say nothing back to your uterus.

Blame it on all the adorable babies filling my feed, blame it on all the pregnant mom's to be talking, blame it on another friend talking about her ticking uterus, or just simply blame it on that's not the kind of thing you say. Who raised you? An Olympic child bearer?
How do you expect someone to respond to blithe comments like "try having four". So tonight I'm going to explore some ways I chose not to respond to you.

"Try having (insert your magic number of fertilized eggs)" 

Some of the responses I've wanted to give you:

"I'm sorry your uterus is so exhausted, you should try birth control."
"So I can't afford date night either?"

 "The morning after pill is over the counter now."

 "I'm sorry was this a contest?"

 "On purpose?"

 "Did you sit in a lot of Miracle Grow growing up because your uterus is certainly well fertilized!"

 "Because your frustrations are worse than my frustrations? Because your amount of exhaustion outweighs whatever exhaustion I feel?"

"Because then I wouldn't have time to worry about the one I have? Or the time to actually have a meaningful conversation with him?" 

But most of all I want to say, "Why? Because ONE doesn't make me a MOM?"

Maybe I should take the truthful approach:
"I'm sorry my infertility bothers you, perhaps you could share?"

 "I would love to have (insert magical number). My body couldn't."

 "It breaks my heart how long I've wanted more children."

 "My arms ache to hold another baby. I would love to read to another toddler, finger paint, and spend days engaging a young mind. To even have a reason to watch one more episode of Dora The Explorer. I would love to watch another child grow. Snuggle next to me on the couch. Most of all, I'd love my son to have siblings."

See the truth is ladies - sometimes that mother of one did want more children! Dreamed of having more children. So your constant little digs about "try having" are just that. Digs. Way to make another woman feel crappy. Feel better about yourself now? Want your trophy now? Congratulations! God blessed you. Now stop making other moms feel like less of a woman. It's hurtful. The approach I did choose to take?

A new status that said: How many kids you blow out your crotch rocket doesn't make you more or less of a mom than another mom. They aren't decorated war medals or boy scout badges.